Day 116 - 2/2/19
Since I began this battle 116 days ago, I’ve noticed that I’ve become extremely sensitive to the news that another fighter has gained their wings. Yesterday, I found out that someone else has earned their honor in heaven. I am saddened by this news, but I am also celebrating their journey.
Before I began my own journey, I could not have imagined what any of this felt like… Getting the diagnosis… Facing the thought of my own mortality… Fighting the fear… and…. Finding my faith in God… And I’ve learned that everyone’s journey and purpose is different. It is important for each fighter to make their own peace with the diagnosis.
None of us asks for this diagnosis. And regardless of how much the cancer has progressed, processing the information about the diagnosis is not easy. The diagnosis makes you face your own mortality. It’s a wake-up call that life is precious and should be appreciated. It’s an alarm that life is going to go on… No matter how you choose to live it…
Even though my diagnosis was not time-sensitive, questions that I asked myself were: Do you want to make the most of the limited time you have; or Do you want to waste it? How do you want to leave your mark on the world? My response to these questions did not require much thought. I do want to live life to the fullest. I want to make my mark on the world by helping as many people as I can. Knowing that a person’s outlook on life can play a major role in their cancer fight, I want to encourage and support anyone that I can through this battle.
In facing my own mortality, I also realized some things that I already knew, but didn’t take as serious as I should have… Holding grudges is counter-productive… Unforgiveness is unforgiveable… Being judgmental and labeling people harms you more than it harms them…. In this very short time period that we are given on this earth, we need to accept people as they are—not as we want them to be. One of the greatest sacrifices that we can make with our limited time is to love on everyone as much as we can.
Each time I hear of a death from cancer, it takes me a moment to process it. I know that God has a purpose to everything He does. The news is a reminder of God’s Grace and His Will. It does not mean that one person is better than the other. It means that, while one person’s journey is over—they have fulfilled their promise—, another person has more work that needs to be done.
At the end of the day, my desire is to make sure I have fulfilled the purpose of my time on earth. I pray that the fingerprints I leave on people’s heart are positive, and I hope any negative things or influences I have made can be forgiven… As I’m striving to complete God’s perfect will, I recognize that I have made mistakes along the way. But when it’s all completed, I just want to hear Him say…. “Well done my good and faithful servant”…
“His master replied, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master’s happiness!’” Matthew 25: 23 NIV