"Healing through faith" is a state of being that you must strive for throughout your existence. The concept of it is to identify your wound, uncover it, provide the proper treatment, forgive, and move on.

 

Getting Started

The pain is there. At times, it feels as though nothing else matters. How do you move pass your pain to desire a more fulfilling life? The answer lies behind your faith. Do you have enough faith to believe that God has better things in store for you? Do you understand the magnitude of His love for you? If you have any inclining as to how much He loves you, you can embrace that love and push forward. Pushing forward is what helps to get you through the heartache. God's promise is to give you peace and joy. Your faith in God helps you get to the joy that He promises you.

 

Day 22 - 10/31/18

My biopsy is scheduled for Monday, 11/5/18. I had hoped to have it done sooner so I could start chemo this week. My doctor has stated that we can begin chemo the day after the biopsy is completed, so I’m anxious to get the biopsy out of the way. We won’t have the results back before beginning, but the cells just need to be removed prior to beginning chemo. So it looks like we’re counting down now. Six days to chemo. Since it’s been somewhat of a roller coaster ride with the preparations, I’m hoping no other monkey wrenches are thrown in the plans. I’ve been contacted to begin psychological counseling. As I have studied psychology, I understand the benefits of this, so I have made an appointm

Day 20 - 10/29/18

The PET scan results came today, and I am happy to report no other cancer was found in my body. During this waiting period, I prepared myself for the worst and hoped for the best. As you can imagine, this news is a HUGE relief. I have to thank all of my prayer warriors that were sending up prayers on my behalf. God did it! Thank you to God! What this means for my diagnosis is that the cancer is isolated to my breast and sternum. My doctor is ordering a biopsy to determine if it’s the same type of cancer, as what's in my breast. If it is, he is proceeding with the same treatment plan and adding additional radiation for the sternum area. If it is a different type of cancer, he may have to orde

Day 18 - 10/27/18

The day after my birthday celebration has found me winded down. I've found myself reflecting on my life, my dreams and my diagnosis. I remember when I reached age 40, I began to examine my life's accomplishments. Although I have always followed a "no regrets" philosophy, I began to feel that I could have made some better decisions in my life. I began to examine and over examine my successes and failures, and I constantly compared where I was to where I wanted to be. I didn't necessarily feel like a failure, but I didn't feel successful either. Throughout the remainder of my 40's, up until now, I've scrutinized every decision that I've made, and I've often wondered if I was moving down the co

Day 19 - 10/28/18

As today is Sunday, I definitely have to attend church. I want to make the most of this time because once I start chemo, I may not be able to attend for a while. It felt good to see my church family. Everyone had been sending love and hugs through my husband, but I was glad to be able to see everyone and let them know that I was doing well. Although I love to sing in the choir, I was feeling a little nauseous, so I decided to sit in the congregation and enjoy the service. Today's service was a celebration service for the choir, so I was really happy to just be a part of the celebration and show my support. At the end of the service, presentations were made to show appreciation for our pastor

Day 17 - 10/26/18

On Thursday, my doctor was able to get approval for the PET scan. I was contacted with the news of the approval late Thursday afternoon. Luckily there was a cancellation, so I was able to get an appointment for it on today. I'm saying "luckily", but I truly believe this was a blessing for me. If that cancellation hadn't happened, the next available appointment would have been next Friday. With today also being my birthday, it seemed somewhat bittersweet to have this completed today. On the one hand, I'm reminded of the magnitude of my medical challenges, but on the other hand, overcoming this hurdle, as a birthday "present" is fulfilling. In preparation of the PET scan, I could only eat meat

Day 15 - 10/24/18

So I probably should have given a disclaimer when I started writing this blog. It's a little late now, but in light of new developments, I believe it's necessary...... Disclaimer: By nature, I am always drawn to the HARDEST ways to do everything! If there is an EASY way to do something..... I always go in the opposite direction..... :) With that being said... Yes.... The narrative for the past 2 weeks has seemed easy.... A little too easy...... I had actually began to believe that it was going to continue on with no hiccups.... I was almost on the easy side..... Well.... Here's the challenge that has been thrown into the mix..... The MRI has revealed cancer cells in my sternum. This means th

Day 14 - 10/23/18

It looks like my doctor is still waiting on approvals from the insurance company, so chemo will not start tomorrow. I'm kind of disappointed with not being able to start tomorrow. I'm eager to start because I know the sooner I start, the sooner I can finish. Oh well. If I have learned nothing else from this entire experience, it should be that I have control over NOTHING, except my faith. It's cute that I have to learn this lesson over and over.... and each time I learn it, it surprises me. Go figure! On the lighter side of things though..... My company is having a "Pink Out" day tomorrow. This is in honor of "Breast Cancer Awareness" month. It's really cool to see our entire department cove

Day 12 - 10/21/18

The remainder of the weekend has passed by uneventfully. Since I'm taking the pain medication regularly, I'm not in a lot of pain--following the mediport surgery. What I'm feeling isn't really pain--it's more like "discomfort" than anything else. I'm not sure what I expected, but looking at the pictures of the device, I believe I thought it was going to be so much worse than it was. So, I think I'm going to call this tiny experience a "win" for me. Hey, I'll take whatever win I can get! While I have this little bit of down-time, I'm trying to do as much cleaning as I can comfortably do. It's not really a whole lot, but it makes me feel like I'm making progress with preparations for the upcom

Day 10 - 10/19/18

The mediport was inserted today. I wasn't sure of what to expect, but I thought that I would have had more anxiety than I did. My doctor and the hospital staff did an amazing job of helping to ease the stress of the situation. With the prep-time, surgery time, and recovery time, it took about 2 1/2 hours. And since it was an out-patient surgery, I'm home resting for the remainder of the day. Leading up to this day, I thought that perhaps this would be a moment where the weight of my diagnosis would weigh heavily on me. I didn't feel like I was in denial, but I figured if I was, this would be the point of my reckoning. I'm happy to report, that I am still at peace, and I'm ready for the next

Day 9 - 10/18/18

So tomorrow's the day I get the chemo port. I'm still holding steady with my trust and faith in God. I want to make a point of saying that because I believe that through journeys like these, our faith can waiver. And that does not mean that we stop trusting in God. It is perfectly "human" to look at the challenge of the road ahead, and allow the emotions of the moment to overcome us. My encouragement to you, though, is to not stay in the emotions of the moment. Know that God still has your back, even during brief periods of unbelief. Whenever I find myself in this struggle, I pray the scripture, "Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9: 24b) I repeat this over and over until I feel my fa

Day 8 - 10/17/18

My first ever MRI was yesterday. If I can go the rest of my life with never having to do that again, I would be so appreciative. It probably wasn't as bad as it seemed, because people go through it all the time, but, I'd prefer not to do it again. When I told the medical assistant that I had never had an MRI before, she recommended that I take something that would help me to relax--she made sure I had a prescription for something GOOD. I took it about an hour before the scheduled appointment. It took a little time before the happy pill kicked in, but by the time the process began, I was feeling "relaxed." IV in...... Laying face down on the MRI table..... Ear plugs in...... I'm ready! As I'm

Day 6 - 10/15/18

We met with the oncologist today. I believe the visit went very well. He advised that it's considered Stage 2 breast cancer--which is somewhat of a relief to me. This means that the survival rate is higher. Although I am trusting in God through this process, it still feels good to know that it's Stage 2. The treatment plan begins with chemotherapy every 3 weeks for a total of 6 sessions. After those sessions, based on the success of this, I will be scheduled for surgery. While in surgery, my lymph nodes will be examined and removed, if necessary. I will have additional treatments every 3 weeks for the remainder of 1 year--these treatments are not actually chemotherapy, but a less harsh drug.

Day 5 - 10/14/18

Church was good today. It was a little different for me because I feel like my focus is now changed. I may just be overthinking it, but I feel more appreciative of everything around me. My focus is shifting to listening more intently for God's voice. I want to make sure that this experience will help me to truly listen to Him and be obedient to His direction. This next week is going to be pretty busy. I'm ready to find out the details of my treatment, as well as, find out more about the cancer inside of me. Seems weird that something so tiny will be transforming my life. I know the magnitude of what my body is going to go through is drastic. Nevertheless, I'm ready. I'm ready to begin the tr

Day 3 - 10/12/18

I've often heard that a person's attitude plays a large role in how they cope with this disease. I feel like I am a positive and optimistic person. In having this mindset, I have already decided that having breast cancer is not my death sentence. I am not going to feel sorry for myself and/or wallow in self-pity. This is going to be a part of my journey, and not my destination. I don't doubt that the road ahead of me will be difficult, but first and foremost, I have faith in God. Second, my support system is growing stronger every day. Third, I feel that my duty in this situation is to encourage others. My purpose in writing about my journey is to hopefully help someone who is terrified of t

Forgive Others

This step in the healing process is more beneficial to you than it is to the person you are forgiving. As you are holding on to unforgiveness, you are emotionally holding on to your pain and all of the bondage that is associated with it. Through self-examination, you can feel the heaviness of pain and unforgiveness. Comparing the thoughts of happiness and peace to the thoughts of pain and adversity, happiness and peace uses a lot less energy to maintain. Maintaining pain and adversity forces you to reexamine your wound and reinforce your negative feelings and thoughts. Maintaining happiness and peace is as easy as positive self-talk about who you are as a person and what things matter most t

Day 2 - 10/11/18

I met with my breast surgeon today. Wow. That was a LOT of information! During the exam, she found a cavity under my arm and completed a biopsy of the area. I'm not sure if this is an indication that the cancer has spread, but I'm anxious to get the results. The surgeon discussed treatment possibilities with us. I'm not going to attempt to explain the "data" that she gave us, but based on what she has reviewed of the preliminary data, she suggests it will probably be best to do chemotherapy as the first part of my treatment, and follow-up with surgery--which will possibly, probably be a mastectomy. And based on my family history, there's a strong possibility that a double mastectomy will be

Day 1 - 10/10/18

The diagnosis came today. The biopsy results were positive for breast cancer. I am feeling indifferent about the news. I'm somewhat saddened by the diagnosis, but I am not broken by it. Before I got the results, I was convinced that either outcome was based on God's will. I understood that my trust in Him would be validated by my acceptance of the outcome. I have accepted it. I know that His way is ALWAYS perfect. I am searching my emotions to see if I am afraid. Honestly speaking, I am not. I'm not sure if it is my optimism that is keeping me strong...... or my faith....... or my denial..... Some might question my ability to trust in God because He has allowed this to happen. To those I say

 

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