Healing begins when you desire to be made whole. Your desire for wholeness must exceed your pride, in order for it to be effective. This is because healing requires exposure to your wounds, and that requires you to be completely open and honest with yourself. You must put aside all aspects of grandeur about yourself and look at your true person. Both good and bad aspects of who you are must be dissected. I must warn you that this will not feel good, and it shouldn't. The goal, though, is to uncover the why's behind your choices. This is necessary in order to identify our role, if there is one, in how we were hurt. While some wounds occur solely because of another person's actions, there are times that our actions can be the cause of our wounds. This is not to say that you are the blame for getting hurt, this just means that, in search for your healing, identify if you did something to increase the risk of you getting hurt. If you find that you did, ask yourself what you can do to change.