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Love is not supposed to hurt. So why does it?

While there is an infinite number of reasons and causes of why love hurts, it is a challenge, and some times impossible, to not let the pain from love loss effect the rest of our lives. After that first encounter with loss love, we develop a steel wall around our heart that is specifically designed to shield us from any future heartache. That steel wall blocks out all potential candidates that could possibly cause that same pain again. We vow in our hearts and minds that THAT will NOT happen again. We then turn to unhealthy habits that will solidify our commitment to avoid pain: like sleeping around without any real commitment; half-heartedly hurting others; and not putting our whole heart into future relationships. And we get good at doing all of these. Except one day we realize we want more. We want the committed relationship. We want the special bond with that one special person. We long for someone to love us in all of our imperfections. So after all of the damage we've done to ourselves and others, how do we transition our thinking and lifestyle into a healthy relationship? Begin by forgiving the loss love. Once you have truly released them and the pain they've caused you, you can begin to open yourself to new experiences without the preconceived idea that you will get hurt again. Now this is not to say that you should allow everyone who bids to enter your heart. This just means that you should not assume that everyone that you let into your heart will hurt you. Even though it is a scary feeling to allow yourself to be vulnerable, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" - Alfred Lord Tennyson.

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