Day 1 - 10/10/18
The diagnosis came today. The biopsy results were positive for breast cancer. I am feeling indifferent about the news. I'm somewhat saddened by the diagnosis, but I am not broken by it. Before I got the results, I was convinced that either outcome was based on God's will. I understood that my trust in Him would be validated by my acceptance of the outcome. I have accepted it. I know that His way is ALWAYS perfect.
I am searching my emotions to see if I am afraid. Honestly speaking, I am not. I'm not sure if it is my optimism that is keeping me strong...... or my faith....... or my denial.....
Some might question my ability to trust in God because He has allowed this to happen. To those I say, this is the perfect situation for me to trust in Him. You see, life happens regardless if I am a believer or not. Being a believer does not mean that I won't experience the ups and downs of life. And it certainly does not mean I should not get diagnosed with cancer. Being a believer means that I know where my strength to make it through this journey is coming from. It means when I feel too weak to go on, I can look to God for help. I did not create myself, so I cannot direct my own outcome. In every situation--good, bad and indifferent--He will get the glory. I love and trust Him with all my heart and soul.
Of course, I am praying that God heals me. I do want to beat this and live....... and there's no "but" to that statement. My focus is becoming a breast cancer SURVIVOR.
"Heal me, O Lord, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved: for thou art my praise." Jeremiah 17: 14 KJV