Day 10 - 10/19/18
The mediport was inserted today. I wasn't sure of what to expect, but I thought that I would have had more anxiety than I did. My doctor and the hospital staff did an amazing job of helping to ease the stress of the situation. With the prep-time, surgery time, and recovery time, it took about 2 1/2 hours. And since it was an out-patient surgery, I'm home resting for the remainder of the day.
Leading up to this day, I thought that perhaps this would be a moment where the weight of my diagnosis would weigh heavily on me. I didn't feel like I was in denial, but I figured if I was, this would be the point of my reckoning. I'm happy to report, that I am still at peace, and I'm ready for the next step in my treatment. Day by day I'm giving myself "faith-checks", to ensure that I am being honest with myself about how I truly feel. I want to make sure that I'm not getting caught up in the responses that I feel like I have to give others. I want to be genuine with myself and everyone else. So faith-check..... Yes, I can still attest that God is an amazing God, and I am still at peace.
After a really good nap, I also went to the barber with my husband today. Knowing that my chemo treatments will be starting soon, and the likelihood of me loosing my hair is very high, I'm ready to cut my hair off. The medical assistant stated that it will be shedding heavily after about the 3rd week of chemo. So, to me, it's just easier to cut it now so I don't have to worry about it later...... so..... Off it went.... Luckily, with the short haircut, my head isn't shaped funny, so I can pull off this short style after all!
I've jokingly told my friends that I didn't want them to do anything drastic, like cutting their own hair off, because I didn't want them to steal my thunder..... What I really want to impart in everyone is that I'm ok with all the things that seem "taboo" with having cancer..... And this is just another one of those things. I really and truly want my journey to encourage others in a positive way, and that means that I must not be ashamed about the things that leave others feeling inadequate. I will not be ashamed or embarrassed once my hair does begin to fall out....... Maybe it's me being optimistic, but I see that as a badge of honor. Something to let the world know that I may be temporarily knocked down (by the side effects), but I'm not knocked out! The fight is nowhere near being over.
"Don't be afraid. I am with you. Don't tremble with fear. I am your God. I will make you strong, as I protect you with my arm and give you victories." Isaiah 41: 10 CEVDC