Day 35 - 11/13/18
7th Day after Chemo
Energy levels today are pretty good. The waves have subsided drastically. There are definitely fewer of them, and the time span between them has significantly increased. This feels like the upswing stage of the chemo treatment. It’s a little too cold outside to go for a much desired walk, so I’ll have to settle for doing a little more housework.
Since I had good luck with the taste of the smoothie yesterday, I’ll have another one for breakfast. Throughout the day, I’ll test a few other things to see what I can and cannot taste. I’m attempting to stay away from sugary foods as much as possible, so I will be looking at this as my latest adventure.
As I am preparing myself for the day, I dwell over the events of this last week. I want to take in all that has happened with my body, and I also want to complete an emotional self-check on myself. The purpose of this is to make sure that I’m still being real with myself about how I’m feeling. As I am replaying in my mind everything that occurred, I am overtaken by emotions. The magnitude of everything hits me all at once. I can understand and feel why cancer seems so scary. This is a disease that has taken out a lot of people. The mere diagnosis is life-changing. Add on the torture that the body has to go through in attempts at fighting off the cancer cells… And then to add any emotional strain into the mix… I can understand how people become overwhelmed with it all. And I’m no exception to that. Although my faith in God tells me that I will be good, I still feel the pressure of “surviving” cancer.
My coping mechanism, to deal with it all, is my focus on helping others. I want to help ease the burden, even if it’s just a little, of other people who face this same diagnosis. I want to show them that, even though this is a devastating diagnosis, it is possible to face it with faith and peace. I can acknowledge that I will have “moments”, but even through those moments, I still have peace. I won’t try to sugar-coat it and say that it will always be easy, but I want to help others understand that it is a lot easier to focus on having faith than to constantly be in fear.
After completing this emotional journey, I felt really good with where I am emotionally. I am still confident that God is with me throughout everything. And as confirmation, several people reached out to me, throughout the day, to encourage me and let me know they were thinking of me and praying for me. This is how God works in my life--through confirmation. And it always fascinates me to watch Him work. I can’t speak for anyone else’s relationship with God, but based on my own relationship, He reminds me that He will NEVER leave me.
I end the day having to remind myself to keep my fluid intake up. I have an appointment tomorrow to have blood work and then talk to my oncologist’s Physician Assistant (PA). I’ve made a list of questions we want to ask, but I know if I don’t write them down, I will forget half of them. All in all, it’s been a good day for me, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
“Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31: 6 ESV