Day 72 - 12/20/18
Today I woke up with more fatigue. There was a little bit more pain also, but still not enough to make me want to take anything for it. I’m hesitant about taking any more medications than what’s absolutely needed because of how much medication I’m already putting in my system. I figure, if I’m just a little uncomfortable, I can do without it. I’ve never really been a fan of taking a lot of medications, so I prefer to take the bare minimum—especially now. That probably only makes sense to me, but I’ve convinced myself that it is logical. :)
Since I’m on the down-curve of the effects of chemo, my sleep cycles have increased, but I’m feeling very restless when I wake up. The restlessness is so overwhelming that it takes me about 5 minutes to completely wake up. As I'm trying to gain my composure, I'm taking a mental inventory of what hurts, what tingles, and what is priority one when I'm ready to start moving.
The cycles have been so deep that I have not needed any nausea medication. When I wake, I still take it as a preventative measure, but I could probably go a little while before having to take it before any nausea begins. That is the only medication that I don’t mind taking because I don’t want to experience having nausea.
While I’m in and out of consciousness regularly, I am reminded to appreciate every experience that I am going through. It seems weird that I can appreciate this, but I do. These are the times that we really learn how much we can endure. Sure, if I was allowed to create my own course, I would rather have not gone through this. This was definitely not on my list of Top 10 things to do. But this is not about me or my will. This is about God’s will for my life. And the fact that I’ve survived thus far speaks volumes about how God trusts me to keep pushing. If He trusts me that much, I can rest in Him and allow Him to carry me through this.
“Only God gives inward peace, and I depend on him.” Psalm 62: 5 CEV